Batesville Blog Stories Worth Telling: How a Eulogy Can Create Lasting Memories

By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Helping Families Understand the Importance of Eulogies in Honoring Loved Ones and Creating Meaningful Funerals The Importance of Educating Families About the Value of Remembering Backward Before They Move Forward While I was teaching a recent workshop for mental health clinicians, a participant raised his hand and asked, "Is the eulogy all that important to a funeral?" His question reminded me that when people question the value of a funeral (or a specific element of the funeral), a big part of your role as a funeral director is to frame everything you do with information, education, and choices. Here, I was given the opportunity to teach workshop participants about the value of the eulogy, or remembrance. As you know, each element uniquely contributes to the funeral, and it is only through combining many elements that you can create the rich tapestry that is the transformative funeral. My hope is that you can draw on the following information as you educate the families you are honored to serve about the need to include a thoughtful eulogy as an essential element of a meaningful ceremony. The Purpose of a Eulogy in a Funeral The eulogy (from the Greek eulogia, meaning "praise; good or fine language") acknowledges the unique life of the person who died and affirms the significance of that life for all who shared in it. Without a eulogy and/or other personalized means of acknowledging this particular life and death, the funeral can become an empty formality. What's worse, it implies that this unique person's life story just wasn't worth gathering and sharing. I often talk about the value of "telling the story" - of reviewing, aloud, the sequence of events of a person's life, including the weeks leading up to death. For mourners, telling the story is central to beginning to integrate the loss into their lives. In the context of the funeral ceremony, the eulogy is the grand, public telling of the story that unites the mourners. Distinguishing the Obituary from Eulogies It is important to know the distinction between an obituary and a eulogy. We've probably all been part of funerals where the officiant simply reads the obituary but refers to it as a eulogy. In contrast to "eulogy," the word "obituary" originates from the Latin word obit, meaning "departure." The obituary is usually a written declaration of a person's death. Facts outlined in the obituary usually include the person's name, date and place of birth, date and place of death, place of employment, service club memberships, and names of survivors. As you know, some obituaries are more creative and interesting than others. However, simply reading the obituary is not a substitute for a meaningful eulogy or period of remembrance being integrated into the funeral service. In addition to helping to recall the life of the person who died, the eulogy also usually addresses the mourners' search for meaning. What did this person's life mean? What value did it bring to those it [...]