"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -The Dalai Lama When I waited tables years ago, I learned you certainly could please a customer with a fine meal and attentive service. You could make a friend for life, however, if you righted a wrong. If the steak was overcooked and you apologized and showed the customer you really cared - expressed compassion for their plight - then returned with a fresh new meal, their experience was somehow even better. When I was in the hospital following an accident a few years ago, there was some pain. But the more vivid memory is of the nurse who made sure I had everything I needed - and convinced me she really cared. There was also a doctor who jostled my jagged bones, then apologized in a way that convinced me he empathized with my searing pain. I liked that guy. I have only the vaguest, most neutral memories of the doctors who didn't hurt me. Compassion: it feels wonderful to get and wonderful to give. It's no surprise, then, that 68 percent of Americans in our recent survey rate themselves in the 8 to 10 range on the compassion scale - the most popular of 10 labels we offered. It's also a shining example of how logic is overrated in the formula of what makes a product, brand, candidate or cause relevant. Compassion: it's in us It's odd that the importance of compassion emerges during one of our bitterest times, as politicians spend billions to bash one another silly, a conversation so rancorous it made a little girl cry. At the same time, however, a devastating storm, Sandy, elicits the best in us as we reach out to help those who have lost their loved ones, their homes, their power and water. It's also odd that the image of the compassionate American flies in the face of our nation's dominant mythology, individualism. Compassion generally involves comforting those who don't have what they need - not celebrating the success of those who do. The survey probably reflects our aspirations more than our true levels of compassion. Still, it's clear: compassion is in us, and it's a very powerful thing. The challenge for communicators is to tap into this rich vein of compassion. And that means honoring it. Honoring compassion with sincerity By that I mean making your compassion sincere. The only thing worse than lack of compassion is false compassion. Don't fake it. Domino's compassion for customers sounded sincere when it confessed that its old pizza tasted like cardboard. Patagonia's compassion for the planet sounded sincere when the company said it wants you to wear its clothes till they fall apart rather than waste resources buying new ones. BP did everything it could from a messaging perspective when it promised, in the wake of the Gulf oil spill, to "make this right." So if you are working with compassion in your communications program, be real. What you should do In a compassionate America, expect some consumers to choose the gadget made by the company that shows compassion for foreign laborers. Expect them to be cold toward the car that's selling nothing but snob appeal. Expect them to like the restaurant that supports local farmers - not the one famous for its foie gras. Expect business customers to lean toward the vendor that not only makes the best analytical business case but also makes their lives easier and their customers' lives better. Of course we want our medical records systems to lower health care costs. Wouldn't it be great if they also saved patients' lives? Expect voters to choose the candidate who... well, negative advertising isn't going away anytime soon. Let's hope politicians will at least see some wisdom in finessing it with compassion - "Joe Jones isn't a bad guy; he just makes bad decisions." Expect activists to join the cause that gives them a way to directly exercise their compassion. While big checks may be the most effective means for feeding the hungry, causes will need ways to make supporters feel as good as if they were ladling out the soup themselves. Ultimately, expect Americans to respond to people, ideas and things that help us prove that compassionate is more than a label we want, more than something we simply aspire to. We want to be it.
