Managing Dynamics of Relationships: Dealing with Role Changesby Mary Ann Durso, RN-BC, Director of Nursing When a spouse, partner or parent falls ill or is diagnosed with a chronic disease, the dynamics within your home can change dramatically. Your familiar roles and responsibilities change as you step into a caregiving role, altering the dynamics of the relationship between you and your loved one."Family caregivers have to prepare themselves for and accept a new kind of normal when a spouse or parent develops a chronic illness or progressive disease such as Alzheimer's," explains Joanne Rodda-Hubbard, Director of Memory Care at The Kensington in White Plains, NY. "They may experience intense role reversals, especially for a child taking care of a parent. For a spouse, they may struggle to do tasks their ill partner always handled. These changes often come with emotional strains as caregivers adapt."A husband whose wife always took care of their finances could feel lost and overwhelmed when dealing with the bank when Alzheimer's takes away his wife's abilities. The wife who always relied on her husband for encouragement may feel disheartened when his illness takes away his strength and resiliency. The grown child who now has to act as guardian and caretaker to the person who raised them may experience a great deal of grief for the role their parent once had."No matter what the circumstances, caring for a chronically ill family member is challenging. The best thing you can do as a caregiver is to educate yourself and work hard to keep your emotional connection strong. Accepting Your EmotionsAs you go through your caregiving journey, you're likely to experience a full range of physical, financial and emotional difficulties. Especially for those whose family member is suffering from Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease or another progressive illness, many caregivers go through stages of grief as parts of their loved one's personality fade. Additionally, you might struggle with guilt, fear, frustration, anxiety, isolation and fatigue or other physical conditions. Despite the intensity of these feelings, they aren't uncommon in your situation. It's important to remind yourself in difficult times that you're not alone. Coping with Caregiving Through Relationship Strength According to geriatrics specialist Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, creator of the website Better Health While Aging, the best way to combat the difficult feelings that accompany caring for a spouse - or any loved one - is to maintain an emotional connection. While so many things are beyond your control when your loved one is ill, your relationship is one area where you have a strong influence.Dr. Kernisan says that maintaining a close emotional connection with your spouse or parent can do wonders for your situation by reducing stress for both of you. In turn, stress relief:• Allows the body to heal• Increases cognitive function• Eases the burdens of caregiving• Helps caregivers maintain good healthMost importantly, keeping an emotional connection with your loved one and spending quality time together helps both of you cope with the difficulties of chronic illness and caregiving. How to Keep Your Connection Close Keeping a strong emotional connection can be difficult in the midst of poor health, stress and fatigue. However, there are several things you and your loved one can focus on in order to keep your relationship strong. The article "7 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong Despite a Chronic Illness" by Karen Bruno list ways couples dealing with a chronic illness can relieve the stress and strain their situation creates.Bruno's tips can easily be adapted for caregivers in any relationship. To learn how to cope with the burdens that caregiving has put on you and your loved one, try the following suggestions:1. Communicate - When you don't share the concerns, fears and hopes that you experience, you and your spouse or parent can become isolated from each other. Communication is important not just for emotional intimacy, but for helping you provide the best care, too. Encourage your loved one to communicate how you can better help them. 2. Relieve Stress - The best technique for relieving stress is recognizing the cause of your stress, then finding strategies to reduce its effects. Accept that your relationship may never be the way it used to, and educate yourself on your loved one's condition to gain a sense of control. Find resources for support, such as counseling, support groups, family and friends. 3. Take Care of Yourself - Staying in good health is vital to being a good caregiver. Try to eat well, get enough sleep, exercise and take time to do the things that give you joy. Remember that your mental health is just as important as your physical health. 4. Strengthen Social Connections - With any relationship, it's healthy to interact regularly with people outside your caregiving situation. Although a chronic illness can be isolating, making an effort to spend time with friends and family members pays off with the emotional support and stimulation that socializing brings. 5. Address Financial Strains - For couples, long-term medical conditions are costly and can create financial strains as time goes on. It's wise to meet with a financial planner after your spouse is diagnosed to start making plans for paying for future care. If your spouse was the one who normally handled the finances, have them help you (as best they can) gather and understand financial documents and account information. 6. Find Quality Time - Plan activities and outings that you and your loved one can do together. Even though they may not be able to do all the things they used to, view this as an opportunity to try new things. Intentionally make time to relax or have fun together, so it doesn't feel like your entire relationship isn't absorbed by their illness. 7. Cherish Each Other - Above all, remind yourself of your love for your spouse or family member. Working together for the sake of your loved one's health can make the two of you a team. Enjoy the time that you can spend together, and focus on the positive things you still have. Find the Support Your Family Needs "For even the best caregivers, there may come a time when the burden is too much to bear alone," says Joanne. "If you reach this point, understand that it does not mean you've failed in any way. It's okay to admit that you need some help."Contact your local senior living community to see what kinds of services and support are available. Take advantage of communities that offer respite care for loved ones. Having a temporary respite from the weight of day-to-day caregiving can do wonders for your spirit and your strength. If your loved one resists the idea of going to a community, try to arrange respite care with another family member."In your caregiving journey, the team at The Kensington will always offer you the best guidance and support we can give. Don't hesitate to reach out to us with any of your caregiving concerns." We Promise to Love and Care for Your Family as We Do Our Own Joanne Rodda-Hubbard is just one of the many special people within The Kensington family - people who make life at The Kensington an enriching, fulfilling and enjoyable experience for all residents.The Kensington is an enhanced Assisted Living and Memory Care residence located in the heart of White Plains, NY. Here, residents are regarded as members of our own family, so hugs, laughs, companionship and patient support are routine parts of every day. We help our residents feel loved and secure by delivering heartfelt excellence in Assisted Living and Memory Care services in a warm, beautiful environment that offers comfortable elegance and is staffed by loving professionals.We believe the comfort of familiarity is precious, so our enhanced program enables us to offer care beyond what the traditional assisted living community can deliver. We offer a full spectrum of clinical support, rehabilitation, wellness and social engagement activities as well as end-of-life care. No resident needs to move out if their healthcare needs ever change.For those with memory loss, The Kensington offers levels of care in specially designed neighborhoods. Connections is for early- tomid-stage Alzheimer's and dementia care. Haven is for mid- to late-stage Alzheimer's and dementia care. We understand that memory loss is a family affair, so our multifaceted program is geared to support not only our residents but also those who love them.Click to contact us for further information or call us directly at 914-390-0080.
