As our parents get older, we may find that we are stepping in to care for them more than we did before. As their needs begin to change, we may begin to feel as though the roles have reversed, as though we are now the parent in the relationship. While this may be true to some extent, considering your responsibility to make decisions and care for their basic needs, this mindset could be damaging not only for you as a caregiver, but for your aging parent.According to an article by Carol Bradley Bursack, "How 'Role Reversal' or Other Catch Phrases Skew Your Thoughts," it's important to remember that there's a big difference between parenting a child and caring for a parent. In her article, Bursack states that "parenting your parents" and "role reversal" have become common terms because of their widely understood, relatable meaning, but the reality of the situation doesn't truly fit the phrase. We raise children to help them learn and grow. Our parents have already had full lives, and are now experiencing great loss."When we have to take on the duties of being a caregiver for a parent with a disease like Alzheimer's or memory loss, it can be difficult on both sides," says Susie Sarkisian, director of Family Services at The Kensington in White Plains, NY. "However, regarding our parents with the respect and dignity they deserve can go a long way in helping you both cope. Even though you may be helping them get dressed or decide what to eat for dinner doesn't mean they are any less of the person they've been their whole life. They cared for you all your life. Now it's time for your to care for them." How to Maintain a Positive Relationship with Aging ParentsAs you work preserve your loved one's dignity and keep your relationship as healthy as possible, following the advice of other caregivers who have been in your position can make your job easier. Follow some of these suggestions for ways to approach caregiving and how to handle difficult situations in a respectful and understanding way.Don't emphasize their limitations. Constantly reminding your parent of what they can no longer do, such as drive or go to the store by themselves, can be frustrating for them. While your parent may need your support for certain things, they don't always need you to tell them what to do. Respect their remaining independence by focusing on their abilities while you anticipate their need for help.Communicate. A big aspect of maintaining a positive relationship with your aging parents is communication. Sit down at the dinner table, eat and talk. Talk about what's going on in your life, ask how your loved one is feeling and see if there's anything that they need from you. Open up to each other and take some time to relive past memories or moments, and bond over shared history. Most importantly, be open and honest about your caregiving concerns for their health and safety.Allow them choice and independence. According to Bursak, it's important to be aware of the losses that your parent is experiencing. She states that it's crucial to be sensitive to the fact that they have very few choices they can make on their own. With this in mind, when there comes a time for them to make a decision for themselves, you should allow it. This is not always possible, but when it is, it can have a big impact on their morale. Let them do anything on their own that they are still able to do.Spend quality time together. If possible, spend some time with your parent outside of your role of caregiver. If your loved one is able, go somewhere. See a favorite movie of theirs, go to a museum or go sightseeing. A change of scenery and situation can be refreshing for both of you, and it will give you the opportunity to make new memories.Relieve stress and take care of yourself. Caring for an aging parent isn't easy. It's very common for you to face countless challenges, tough choices, frustrating situations and caregiver stress. Take some time to take care of yourself and do the things that make you happy. This can make you more relaxed, increase your patience and ultimately make you a better caregiver.You Don't Have to Go Through This AloneThese tips, along with the healthy, respectful perspective of Bursack, can be useful as you cope with the changing responsibilities you experience as your parent's caregiver. With a positive attitude and the ability to stop, take a breath and remember no disease can ever change the fact that this person is your mom or dad, you'll be able to strengthen your relationship and give them the care they deserve."We understand that, as caregivers, positive attitudes aren't always enough to keep our spirits high," says Susie. "Sometimes, we need help from supportive people who understand what we're going through. It's important to remember that you're not alone, that there are lots of resources available to support and guide you through this journey. If you ever feel like you need someone to turn to, the team at The Kensington will be there for you. Our compassionate, experienced team is ready and willing to lend an ear, offer caregiving tips or help you locate other resources to make your job easier." We Promise to Love and Care for Your Family as We Do Our OwnSusie Sarkisian is just one of the many special people within The Kensington family - people who make life at The Kensington an enriching, fulfilling and enjoyable experience for all residents. The Kensington is an enhanced Assisted Living and Memory Care residence located in the heart of White Plains, NY. Here, residents are regarded as members of our own family, so hugs, laughs, companionship and patient support are routine parts of every day. We help our residents feel loved and secure by delivering heartfelt excellence in Assisted Living and Memory Care services in a warm, beautiful environment that offers comfortable elegance and is staffed by loving professionals.We believe the comfort of familiarity is precious, so our enhanced program enables us to offer care beyond what the traditional assisted living community can deliver. We offer a full spectrum of clinical support, rehabilitation, wellness and social engagement activities as well as end-of-life care. No resident needs to move out if their healthcare needs ever change.For those with memory loss, The Kensington offers levels of care in specially designed neighborhoods. Connections is for early-to-mid-stage Alzheimer's and dementia care. Haven is for mid-to late-stage Alzheimer's and dementia care. We understand that memory loss is a family affair, so our multifaceted program is geared to support not only our residents but also those who love them.Click to contact us for further information or call us directly at 914-390-0080.
