Supporting Children & Teens Through a Loved One's Alzheimer's If you have a loved one diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia, you understand that the disease affects the entire family. While it's difficult for adults to navigate the trying changes that dementia causes in their relationships and family dynamics, it can be even more challenging for young members of the family. Children and teenagers need support, too, and caring adults who take a special approach to helping young people cope with the struggles of a loved one's disease."Children often get left out of the conversation about memory loss," says Susie Sarkisian, Director of Family Services at The Kensington in White Plains, NY. "Alzheimer's frequently gets boxed in as an 'old person's disease,' yet young children are often affected just as much as adult children. Kids and teens will struggle to understand what's happening to their grandparent or aunt or uncle. They'll have questions or become nervous around their loved one. Depending on how close the relationship is, kids and teens might act out as a reaction to change. In short, they need you to help them understand and cope with the difficult emotions they're experiencing."This article will address some of the ways children and teens react to a loved one's Alzheimer's disease, how you can help them cope, and raise awareness for the children of parents with early-onset dementia. A Confusing Dynamic: How Kids React to Alzheimer's DiseaseConsidering how few adults fully understand the complex reality of Alzheimer's disease, it's safe to assume that children understand even less. As dementia alters their older loved one's behavior, kids may not know how to respond. Even after a clear diagnosis, teens and children may struggle to accept the reality of their loved one's disease. Kids may cope (or fail to cope) in some of the following ways: Feeling sad about their loved one's changing personalityBeing confused or afraid about why their loved one is acting differentlyWorrying that the disease is contagious, or that their parents might develop the diseaseBecoming angry or frustrated when faced with their loved one's difficult behaviors, such as repeating questions or forgetting informationFeeling guilty for showing their frustration or acting out against their loved oneBecoming jealous of the attention their parents give their loved oneBeing embarrassed when their loved one is out in public In addition, children may react to the situation in subtle ways. You may not recognize that your child is upset, or they may not vocalize the reasons for their behavior; yet, many kids react to their changing family dynamics indirectly, such as: Complaining more frequently about vague, physical ailments, such as headaches, stomachaches or sleepinessPerforming poorly in schoolCeasing to invite friends over to the house (when a loved one with dementia lives with them)Spending more time away from homeDisplaying more aggression or deviant behaviors at school or at home Whether or not your child appears to be struggling with their loved one's disease, it's important to support them through the changes your family experiences. Getting on Their Level: How to Help Kids CopeChildren and teens will need your help as they navigate the changes occurring in their loved one. Depending on their age and the closeness of their relationship with the person with Alzheimer's, you'll need to use your best judgment in terms of how you approach the subject and how much information you choose to share.The National Institute on Aging offers several suggestions for approaching the topic of Alzheimer's with children: Answer a child's questions simply and honestly. While you shouldn't try to scare young children, you should still tell them that their loved one is sick and that's why they are changing.Let kids know that their emotions are normal. Sadness, anger, fear and uncertainty are natural reactions to their situation.Encourage children to share their feelings with you. Some may resist talking about their emotions. Consider seeking the help of a counselor if you think your child needs greater support.Make sure kids have time for their own interests and needs. Help your child know that their daily life is still important, especially if you are the primary caregiver to your loved one.Be honest about your own feelings. Be careful not to overwhelm them, but let children know why you feel the way you do.Understand that kids will look to you for how to act around their loved one with Alzheimer's. Show them that they can still talk to their loved one and share meaningful connections.While you should encourage a healthy relationship between your child and their sick loved one, don't force them to spend time together. A scared child or an angry teen may suffer worse from a forced relationship.Don't expect younger children to take on caregiving tasks. More intense care responsibilities (such as bathing, dressing, or feeding) may be inappropriate for kids.If the person with Alzheimer's lives in the same house as you and your child, consider utilizing respite care every now and then to give both of you a break from the stress of caregiving. It can be challenging to care for both children and a loved one with Alzheimer's disease. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you and your family need it."There are resources available for families dealing with a loved one's memory loss," says Sarkisian. "Local senior living communities often have support groups available, and organizations like the Alzheimer's Association offer reliable information to help families understand Alzheimer's disease. Take advantage of the resources available in your community." Growing Up Too Fast: Children of Parents with Early-Onset DementiaWhile the majority of children dealing with a loved one's Alzheimer's disease are grandchildren or great-grandchildren, sometimes dementia hits much closer to home. In the United States, approximately five percent (200,000) of those with Alzheimer's disease experience early-onset dementia in their 40s or 50s. These people have careers and families, and their children may be forced to face the frightening reality of their parent slipping away much too soon.Unfortunately, this minority of children of early-onset dementia are often neglected in mainstream support sources. Researchers from the United Kingdom are currently working to reverse this trend by raising awareness of children who are growing up caring for a parent with Alzheimer's disease. This population of young people needs greater support for the emotional and physical challenges they experience as a result of their parents' disease.If you know of a child who's struggling with a parent's dementia, reach out to them with help, or assist them in finding professional resources. No child should have to go through this journey without support. We Promise to Love and Care for Your Family as We Do Our OwnSusie Sarkisian is just one of the many special people within The Kensington family - people who make life at The Kensington an enriching, fulfilling and enjoyable experience for all residents.The Kensington is an enhanced Assisted Living and Memory Care residence located in the heart of White Plains, NY. Here, residents are regarded as members of our own family, so hugs, laughs, companionship and patient support are routine parts of every day. We help our residents feel loved and secure by delivering heartfelt excellence in Assisted Living and Memory Care services in a warm, beautiful environment that offers comfortable elegance and is staffed by loving professionals.We believe the comfort of familiarity is precious, so our enhanced program enables us to offer care beyond what the traditional assisted living community can deliver. We offer a full spectrum of clinical support, rehabilitation, wellness and social engagement activities as well as end-of-life care. No resident needs to move out if their healthcare needs ever change.For those with memory loss, The Kensington offers levels of care in specially designed neighborhoods. Connections is for early-to-mid-stage Alzheimer's and dementia care. Haven is for mid-to late-stage Alzheimer's and dementia care. We understand that memory loss is a family affair, so our multifaceted program is geared to support not only our residents but also those who love them.Click to contact us for further information or call us directly at 914-390-0080.
